An alcoholic epiphany

Long long ago once upon a time there lived a ….. . Oops, wrong story . I am always astounded by folks who say “This is what the founding fathers would have wanted” and interestingly I have known quite a few of these well meaning folks , one of the most vehement “This is what the federalists fought for”er was a 3 time divorcee who had never heard of Benjamin Franklin’s first rule for happiness

1. “TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.”

One might argue that he was blissfully aware of the chastity rule as well but nature being what it is, it rarely allows us to indulge in both with equanimity so it had spared him of the temptation of violating that particular one, nonetheless he would kid the hapless waitresses or the secretarial staff until they blushed red, after which he would turn to me and wink and say ” she wants me” . I was spared further details of his exploits but this remarkable gem of the human species has many more qualities , one of which that profoundly affected me was a direct hotline to the founding fathers. He must have had telepathic communion  with the founding fathers in their after life to project the kind of confidence that he showed. For a while I was baffled and convinced that there was a ouija board.

Lest you believe that I come up with random hypothesis; what actually led me to this conclusion was a logical process that Sherlock Holmes would have approvingly nodded at . Whenever I asked him a question about his code , he would go into a deep trance akin to those wiccans that my ex wife spent so much time with . So I looked in vain , alas one of those unsolved mysteries that seem to surround me all the time . I marvel at these folks because most days , I barely know what I want , let alone try to figure out what men living 200 years ago would want me to do . Personally I do hold our founding fathers in the same vein as demi gods , some of the smartest people to walk the earth and I am grateful for their wisdom and foresight but nonetheless these are men who lived in a different zeitgeist , so how they could have predicted before the advent of all the magical things that we have today is a mystery to me . As in the case of these magical creatures living amongst us with a direct telepathic hotline through the land of the dead to our founding fathers , they simply amaze me .  But my epiphany is far simpler.  It is also more tasty , increases productivity and generally invigorating , so much so that one would not hesitate to call it the temporary fountain of youth.

I was informed recently by a mind no less than P.G.Wodehouse that while the duty of the chronicler is to inform , he must go to great lengths to ensure that the reader is never left in suspense for too long. So it is with a tinge of nervousness that I am proceeding down this route . I promise not to hold you in suspense for so long , the duty of a chronicler is that one should lay his groundwork well before he sets out on his argument . After all ,confusion is poison to the mind . We are an extremely inventive species . We have created  various processes of brewing different forms of alcoholic beverages .For example Beer is made by malting barley . Malting is just a fancy word invented by idle English professors to increase the highly inefficient vocabulary of the English language. It means  germinating the grain and then hot air drying  using coke / coal or peat ( form of coal found in marshes and is highly inefficient to burn hence smoky) . This is then fermented using yeast and later filtered .It is an well known secret that sprouting grains increases the nutritive value of foods , so much so that we have a store chain called Sprouts which seeks to anchor this idea in our minds every time we go grocery shopping . Another well known idea is that fermentation greatly increases the nutritional value of foods as well , and indeed one need look no further than yogurt , idlis , tempeh , Kefir , Kombucha , Kimchi , Sauerkraut to verify the truth of the same . So what we have here is a super mixture of sprouty fermented goodness to start with . At this point , this super nourishing mixture is filtered and hops are added to provide some spice and a natural preservative and voila , we have beer , a highly concentrated form of organic goodness in a bottle  . If that is not nutrition on the go , I dont know what is . Indeed Mothers looking for providing quick , natural and easy nourishment to their young need look no further than the familiar 6 pack in the grocery store. Grapes follow a somehow simpler route .They are just mashed but in this case it makes for a even greater compelling argument because no less a distinguished figure than the Surgeon General insists that we take in 5 servings of fruit a day. Even a confirmed fruit lover like myself loses that struggle daily , can you imagine having to eat 5 water melons every single day?  I tried that and spent so time in the bathroom but I digress .  Crushed grapes are fermented thereby increasing their nutritional value multi fold again and filtered to provide us with wine . And in this case , this has the additional benefit of having naturally occurring sugars , there by satisfying our natural craving for sugar. Indeed this might be a even better option for harried mothers looking for quick , easy and natural nutrition. Breast feeding mothers can pass on this nutritive storehouse in small quantities to their babies , a double win if ever there was one . Not only is this a nutritional powerhouse but it is a quick aid for restorative sleep , an argument so powerful that I doubt any new parent could find faults with this.

At this point if one decides to distill the beer mixture to concentrate this nutrition , one gets whisky or moonshine or ever clear . This is then aged in Oak barrels for umpteen years to remove the acerbic taste and give it a pleasant tang . Grapes follow the same fate to wine and then distilled to Brandy , potatoes to Vodka , corn to sour mash and so on . For reasons of sanity , I have ignored those magical processes where corn is actually turned into Bourbon in Kentucky , grapes turn themselves into Armagnac in the Armagnac province of France or cognac if it finds itself in the Cognac province of France where as in the rest of the world the fickle grape is content to be just ordinary brandy . I will call out to corn here ,Corn  is particularly interesting because it is generally considered to be indigestible , so it is a miracle that we have even perfected a process of secreting concentrated nutrition out of indigestible corn .

Indeed in my humble opinion, these distillation processes are merely a way to save on space while concentrating all the nutritious goodness in a smaller package .We were told by the first law of thermodynamics that the amount of energy in the universe stays constant . By this highly revered and respected theory, it is obviously evident that what we have here is an enormously effective way of concentrating the energy content of a large amount of grain into a small amount of alcohol so goes to reason that the nutritive value of alcohol in terms of energy is astronomically high . Indeed it is so high that it provides jolts of instant nourishment for the soul and the brain . The cells in the brain used to the normal reticent and reluctant  energy in grain becomes unusually lubricated by this sudden abundance and normally reticent men are known to burst in song after a couple of swigs of this delightful nutritious stuff.

Not too long ago , I was in a bar devouring a BLT . This was no ordinary BLT but the kind that stays with you. Indeed It was so memorable that I can see myself telling my grandchildren and all posterity so that we could all marvel together at it’s fine qualities and lip smacking goodness. But my worshipful reverie was interrupted by the picture of this young man who was quietly sipping cranberry juice . His was the kind of unhappiness that sours everything that is good in a place and it lost no time in creeping in on my scrumptious fare and while one generally prefers to mind their own business and devour the splendor that God wants us to, in this case  I decided to make an exception in the light of bonhomie and helping a fellow human in seemingly acute distress. I sidled up to him and greeted him

“Hi bro” , I said

“Ho ” , he jumped up like a cat that was lost in existential reverie suddenly confronted by the neighboring pit bull.

“Everything OK?” , I ignored the transition of  panic to annoyance followed by disinterest. The transition was so masterful and quick that it would have turned most werewolves green with envy and even kick started  a transition Olympics among them .

“Yes , everything is fine” . The tone told me to mind my own business , I wanted to punch the tone but things being what they are, I merely ignored it and continued on my altruistic struggle to better the sour mood of my fellow man.

“Why the sour face?” , he glared at me and looked away .

I am normally a reticent man who can take a hint so I did but I kept a close eye on him, pretty soon the reason was his acute depression was clear to me. It was in the form of a beautiful petite red head who seemed to be the life of the party two tables down.

Always the altruist , I promptly poured a shot of my vodka into his cranberry juice while his attention was still captivated by the bewitching red head.

The effect that it had seemed to perk him up . If an English longbow archer from the fields of Agincourt had happened to pass by, he would have recognized the effect as similar to that of his longbow . My pensive friend no longer seemed pensive, a light had come upon him. He knew that the world was for his taking , I imagine that he felt the same about the redhead , walked up to her and asked to dance with her. There was no dance floor but I cannot imagine that a normal happy go lucky girl would not be flattered by the attentions of so original a mind . Alas duty called me away so I had to leave before the credits rolled in and I got to see the young couple living happily ever after.

But I could not but reflect on the merits of this empowering and nutritious life giving fluids. I had seen a shy man who could barely look at a girl and the miracle of a small snifter had him leaping tall buildings in a single leap.

If the aforementioned psychic telepaths had lived in the 20s , they would known instantly that our founding fathers loved this fine tipple and we could have happily avoided the disastrous experiment known as Prohibition which caused no end of misery to all sorts of gentle folk including Al Capone (who was so sensitive that he would cry at operas) .

Advertisements

I am Nominated for The Leibster Award: discovering bloggers.

Many thanks to Lily Von Valley for the consideration of this award, and for nominating me. I am astounded, to say the least and pleasantly surprised .

Reading several of her posts, especially the one that I linked to above has led me to believe she is a like minded person and an autodidact (if such a thing is possible in today’s world). I find her posts very thought provoking (almost always a good thing)  . I strongly urge you to check out her posts if you have not already .

Favourite blogs:

I have to say that most of the blogs that I am following tend to be my favorites otherwise I would not waste my time following them but since I have been asked to nominate between 5 and 11 and having less than a 1000 followers, here goes

I have come to the conclusion that I can read anything that my blogging buddy Bun Karyudo aka 0014  (that’s twice as cool as 007 for those of you who forgot your multiplication tables) writes and laugh hysterically. He can assuredly get me chuckling even on the most stressful of days with his gift of the blog (or is that blab).

My blogging buddies Maciek   and  Miss Miral are avid travelers and posts amazing pictures of their travels that they are kind enough to share with us. Looking at some of those pics , I feel inspired to travel to these locales

I enjoy seeing poetry from Amit Rahman , Dajena and Tosha Michelle but Tosha has several thousand followers  so I wont be able to nominate her

I also like visiting Secret Art Expedition , she does seem to be on an expedition but fortunately for us, she shares it every step of the way and it has delighted me to see how she progresses on some of her projects

And finally my blogging buddy , The chimp aka the Lonely author (personally I dont think he is lonely at all with all the blogging buddies that he has but that is discussion for another day) , probably the most helpful online blogging buddy one can ever have.

 

Again, thank you Lily for this honor.

I nominate:

  1. Bun Karyudo
  2. Maciek
  3. Miss Miral
  4. Amit Rahman
  5. Dajena
  6. Secret Art Expedition
  7. the Lonely author

10 Random facts about me:

  • I am incredibly curious (though I keep thinking about curiosity killing the cat, fortunately I am not a cat)
  • I cross the San Francisco bay everyday and I am utterly grateful that I am yet to be jaded by its magnificence .
  • I am grateful to my friend in real life , Tejaswini who introduced me to this wonderful platform . It has always been a source of irony for me that I have worked in PHP , the language used to create WordPress since 2007 and yet , it was only after being inspired by her that I started blogging .
  • I love ironies , so much so that I joke that any woman who understands the irony in A Dangerous Method will get a ring from me.
  • I also love silly humor like the kind introduced to me by my step children ( Q – How do you put an elephant in the fridge?) though no ring for that one!!!
  • I love books(I have 3 different library accounts and over 400 unread books sitting at my house ) , I am working  on changing the “I love books” to “I love reading” , think I have a way to go before those 400 unread books join the ranks of the “read”
  • I like to pretend that I am a programmer , so far no one has wised up to that.
  • My experience is that friends tend to be far more reliable than family(with the exception of parents)  so make new friends but treasure the old ones and I would like to filch Lily’s statement “That’s why my motto is ‘everyone is a friend waiting to be met’”
  • I love roller coasters
  • I idolize Benjamin Franklin

Thank you

Rules of the Liebster award:

  1. A) Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
  2. B) Try to include a little promotion for the person who nominated you.
  3. C) Display the award on your blog. For the 2016 Liebster Award
  4. D) Write a 150-300 word description about your favorite blog (with a link to it) that is not your own.
  5. E) Provide 10 random facts about yourself. Pls do write this so that this virtual world becomes little more interesting..
  6. F) Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 1000 followers.
  7. G) List these rules in your post. Inform the blogger the happy news that you nominated them for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post so that they can learn more about it (they might not have even heard of it!)

Random Poems

Adventure

Wallowing on the beach of life
leery of waves on to adventures anew
grasping on to the sands of time
vainly as it slips through my fingers

stories of hidden treasures abound
but waiting for the tide to reveal
too late the tide betrays its cold stony heart
that only beats to the rhythm of the universe

look on , all ye sailors of life
a bright new day is yours to carve
some create , some pray
fortune and love favor the brave

one who dares to ride the waves
one who dares to dig in the sand
one who dares to be humble
one who dares to an open heart

you shall receive your just rewards
a pearl from the depths
a glimpse of heaven
seek and ye shall receive


Travels
traveling with hundreds
yet alone and friendless
together with strangers
in a flying caravan

the glorious sights below
the wilderness of the arctic wastelands
as imagination plumbs the depths of the marianna trench
I will sell my soul for a pair of wings and fins

drifting over the pacific
the bering straits stare at me invitingly
would the pacific be truly as pacifiyng

Cars passing by in the mountains
fellow travellers in the dark
Lighten each other’s load
The relief as crisp
As a breath of fresh mountain air

Strangers on a journey together
for an instant in time and space
will we ever connect again
some connect for life
some connected for an instant

with a song on our lips
hope in our hearts
seeking a deeper connection
providence seeks otherwise
dashing ships onto icebergs

but hopes are not ships
answer instead to a higher calling
rise like a phoenix from the ashes
offer gratitude to  providence
for the company of my fellow traveller


Curmudgeons
who am I , What am I
a human being with free will
or merely a vessel for social norms
can the two co exist?

Was I meant to live my life
or role play as deemed by society
why must the heart bow
to reasons that head does not understand

My friend gives me goosebumps
and yet my bonds tether me,
simple and innocent pleasures
are suddenly tainted by moral scruples

play is the way to my soul
and yet , play is frowned upon
why must the curmudgeons
destroy the happiness in all of us


New love
The sweet torture of fresh passion
like a beautiful lotus smashing
idyllic dreams ,the pond of  still life
a dreamy life of comfort and charm

the fragrance of happy accidents
questions my slumbering abstinence
fresh as a hawthorn berry
with promises of life very merry

a meal needs bread and meat
but how much delightful to eat
a dash of spice for the palate’s sake
but spices alone , cannot a meal make

a dreamy saturday passes by
on a couch,  arms around me lie
looking on a city, an air of romance
was that mischief , giving me a glance


Passengers wanted !!

I have set off on a quixotic ideal
Everyone needs a love tidal

Believe in love that is true at first sight
can never rue the passing of many a light

but here I stand on the portals of life
that have taught me to withstand many a strife

goodness of heart is what I seek
but beware some virtues as well as vices reek

who amongst us could be so crude as to not like a handsome mind
employed in a delightful trade , she loves the daily grind

Life is not about merely holding oneself in good stead
for toil and toll should not wreck a homestead

what is more dear to us than simple play
but our images whom we create and then for college they make us pay

I am seldom lonely for I am guarded by little cats
fear not , seldom a danger, they meow for attention and lazy and fat

measuring and weighing my words for a world run by pictures
to win a flesh and blood person who lives by a code of strictures

the daunting prospect fills me with a cold dread
but one cannot let hopes go dead

so here I am trolling through a bevy of beautiful damsels
riding alone is fun but two were meant to ride on life’s carousel

 


As you turn back and look

with eyes of a doe
you throws fleeting glances
my heart filled with woe
pierced by your ocular lances

To gaze upon your perfection
is to taste god’s own confection
for long did I sit and mope
but seeing you fills me with hope

to bury myself in thee
fill my senses with your essence
having you play my souls lyre
is my heart’s desire

Allure of  your dress

dazzling like shimmering moonlight
oh oh , a ray of happiness so bright
the glistening silk on the body so satin
but for a glimpse , I am waitin
hinting at the delicious mounds of decadence
oh my , oh my ,pumps my heart to its top cadence
my eyes mesmerized by curves of the goddess venus
or is my clinging love , the much desired bonus
Of your gorgeous body , Men are filled with dreams
if heavens warrant , one sees you coming down on moonbeams
Hope
Wasting days is a forbidding crime
yet my brow is sooty with electronic grime
Day after day , heart and soul weary of toil
What did my forefathers think as they till the soil
But I worry needlessly for there is hope
Whenever I think that I just cannot cope
My angel swoops in ,a lavender dove
my worries washed away in the ocean of love
My precious darling , as she fusses over my route and commute
I stand dazzled as her beautiful body leaves me mute