The Most Interesting Man in the world has a rival

When I was younger and prowled the bars  , a frequent experience would be that beautiful young girls would approach me and ask me if I had a green card . Lame as the excuse sounds , it never occurred to me to say “yes , I do!!!!” After my regretful negative answer, they would lose all interest in me and no amount of antics from me later would entice them to even cast a sideways glance. I have never been able to distinguish Eastern European accents very well , so I always assumed that they are from Russia .

These days , I am convinced that they have dedicated a poster board or something on those lines because I seem to be getting a lot of queries  from around there . The vast majority seem to follow the same pattern , they are all orphans. They are looking for the man of their dreams that they can trust , they can garden , cook , do a few martial arts , ballet and love to snuggle. In short!!!  I think I am a worthy candidate to replace the Most Interesting man in the world who does the Dos Equis commercials, what do you think ?

Not that I am shy about highlighting my various achievements , I have eaten a dozen ribs in a single sitting , downed a liter of rum/vodka/scotch in one sitting (at different times ) , probably an worldwide Olympic champion for watching True Detective season 1 , Two and half men (Charlie Sheen episodes)  and Yes Minister/Prime Minister reruns  and last but not least my two cats think I am the shit!!  Before somebody raises questions about my Doolittle abilities , I have irrefutable proof . Every evening when I get home , they greet me eagerly at the door and shower me with constant attention till I get a fresh can of food and dump into their gleaming food bowls. My infallible sense of logic leads me to  attribute all that to my animal magnetism .

Coming back to these girls ,I have been quite the good Samaritan for these poor worthy and talented girls . I am convinced that a lot of their issues stem from low self esteem so I try to prop their self esteem by praising their natural beauty (they are extremely beautiful so I am not lying) , I praise their various activities which seem rather extravagant considering that they always seem to be so poor , I imagine that their low self esteem in largely in part due to the fact that Russian men are crude and completely unable to appreciate their women . In my mind this would be the only reason for them to solicit men online with marriage proposals .

Invariably these women seem to have their spirits perk up (in no small part to my efforts) and they seem to be well on on their way to making me a fine wife . They are enthusiastic about cooking , cleaning , listening to my rants about the political candidates, they like to tell me about Raj Kapoor movies which seems to be a staple in Russia  , some even claimed to read my blogs !!! I stopped quizzing them after one informed me that Achilles and Hector were playboys . After much confusion and interrogation , I learnt that playboys meant boys who play together.  But on my part , I spare no effort myself and when they seem unable to pay their ballet fees or feed their family of 23 brothers and 46 sisters , I happily send them money and they are always grateful .But I have come to recognize a pattern here , after about 6 months of online pre-marital bliss , they either seem to become nurses in Africa or nuns in the Eastern Orthodox church with one exception who decided to move to Antarctica because she liked penguins . Telling her that the San Francisco and Oakland Zoos have penguins too did nothing to dissuade her  . I must have some kind of Midas touch to inspire piety in these poor women and while deeply disappointing , it is a bitter sweet victory . Oops , gotta go , got an email from another pretty 22 year old Russian girl interested in marrying only mature men.

————-

Disclaimer : I am poking fun at scammers  but fraud is no laughing matter , a few years ago a 83 year old woman in Millersburg, OH was taken to the tune of $43,000 through a mail scam known in popular parlance as the Nigerian 419 Scam. I don’t know her financial status but odds are that she could not afford to lose $43,000 at her age. I used to attend security seminars in Washington DC several years ago and statistics prove that cyber crime is second only to drugs in terms of profitability

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “The Most Interesting Man in the world has a rival

  1. It’s great to hear you’ve had such an uplifting influence on all those poor but virtuous women in Russia. It must be great to know that your efforts are preventing them falling into crime. You must be having quite an effect on keeping levels of Russian cyber-fraud to a minimum.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s